Esta bien

A short fashion show to lighten the mood of the post:


An Easter dress Hannah wore as a baby, too:


This was a Guatemalan dress from friends that she barely fit in. I am so glad I brought it and at least got a picture of her in it.

Ellie and her care giver, Mimi, taken in June.


When I talked to people about the trip before we left, a common first response was, "How are you ever going to leave her"? I was so nervous about this before we met her. When she was placed in my arms, I had tears of great joy of the blessing that will be added to our family. I was emotional off and on throughout the week, some tears were of anticipation of leaving, some were for families struggling to get their children home. Overall, I was content to live in the moment of soaking in her and her current surroundings. Nighttime is usually a much more difficult time for me when going through a trial, so Thursday night, I allowed myself to cry to my heart's content as I rocked my sleeping baby. Friday morning , the day we headed back to Guatemala City, I had a constant dread of the "big moment", when we would have to physically take her back to the mamas' and walk out empty-handed. I had known for at least 9 months that this would happen, someday, if the Lord willed. When the bus pulled up, and all was loaded, Daniel and I prayed with Ellie in the office outside the children's home. He gave her a hug and returned her to me. As we walked into the room, I could not see her Mamas' right away, but Mimi recognized the situation and came to me. I was, of course, a blubbery mess, as any self-respecting adoptive mother would be in this circumstance. Mimi held out her hands and spoke a simple phrase "Esta bien"...or "Its okay" (loosely translated) as our eyes met. At that moment, the Lord knew that is all I needed to get out the door and onto the bus. I knew that she was right, that all would work out for good. I had an amazing peace that was completely unexpected on the four-plus hour bus ride to the city. The "big moment" was over, and Lord willing, our challenges to come will not be as dramatically hard as leaving her in a foreign country. So, that was how we were given the grace and strength to leave without her.

Going into the trip, knowing we had our referral, I was not super excited about the possibility of doing the hardest thing ever in such a public manor. As the trip got closer, we were approached to use our story as a potential TV news segment, to be viewed by thousands. Daniel was lined up to preach that Sunday, hours after our return, and I knew that our trip would provide great material, and yet another spotlight. Post-trip, I can say that I was so grateful to be surrounded by 24 believers who are emotionally invested in the ministry of the children's home and in our daughter's story. It was a fabulous distraction to have so many to talk to and those people really understand the depth of our heartache. We left two others behind, and I know that they are loving on my girl, generously sacrificing another week of their time. Upon coming home, I had quite a full inbox of prayers, encouraging comments and notes, and also, lots of hugs and uplifting words from family at church. Our family far away has been patient to let me talk as I have been ready, not demanding of my time and details of a soul they are emotionally invested in as well. Thank you, faithful blog readers, writing our story is very soothing and comforting!

To My Ellie Vane:

"And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in knowledge of God." Col 1:9-10

Lord,

Strengthen us with all power, according to Your glorious might, for ALL endurance and patience with JOY, giving THANKS to You, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.
from Colossians 1:11-12