Some Days I Miss Her More

It is amazing where this adoption roller coaster takes your emotions! I can be upbeat and excited about the progress in our case, and then some days it just hurts that Ellie is not here. (Wal-Mart, at night, alone, is especially hard for some odd reason. I don't do this very often and maybe I don't know what to do with the brain power that I usually need to keep three in-tow and make it out without all the groceries squished.) We hung the paintings we purchased in Guatemala, which look nice, but are another reminder of our little girl, so far away.

I have been surprised by the affect the adoption has had on our children at home. I knew they would answer the frequent question, "Are you excited to get a little sister" in sweet, predictable ways. They would talk about having a fourth to play "Narnia" with and how there would be three of each, boys and girls, in our family. But, they have been emotional, too.

While preparing the trip video, the kids would watch what I was doing. One day, getting to the end, Austin turned to me and said, "When you all were leaving, I felt like I was going to cry!" It was precious and touching. He also loves watching and rewatching the scene where Ellie says, "Ahhhhheeeeee", when I ask her to say Auggie (Austin's nickname). Today, was the ministry fair at church. The adoption ministry had a booth with the visit trip video running. Austin stood and watched for a while, and turned to me as it finished, with huge tears in his eyes, and a look that said, "How could you have left my baby sister so far away!" I pulled him in for a hug and started crying too, in the middle of a full gym of people around us. I didn't realize how much a four year-old could understand about this process.
The affect on Hannah has shown up at night. She says she is lonely and cannot fall asleep. The plan is to put the girls together in a room and I wonder if Hannah has been thinking more about this. She is so sweet to cuddle her Guatemalan doll we brought her. She named her Maria (Ellie's given name) Gabriella (a form of her own middle name, but more Spanish sounding, and the name of Hannah's friend who picked out the doll). Yesterday, Hannah had me style her hair to look like the doll. When she watches video of Ellie, her comment is that "Ellie will fit in our family really well!" To read a touching story of her sacrificial heart, visit Daniel's blog.

Noah prays for "UHHHEEE" and recognizes her picture. Through our own mistakes, we are pretty firm believers in waiting until a child is really ready to potty train. Since Noah is newly 2, I will be more than happy to change two sets of diapers, if the Lord chooses to bring Ellie home before Noah is ready! :)
I am often told (at Wal-Mart, no doubt), "My, you have your hands full" or other forms of the same comment. But I am thinking, they are not full enough! Ellie, I miss you, my little Guateangel! Lord, please bring her home soon!!

P.S. Daniel was unable to be at this photo-shoot, he was riding roller coasters with the youth group, the non-metaphorical kind. :)